


A long time ago in a grocery store aisle far away…

by Clocketpatch



Category: Snack Food (Anthropomorphic)
Genre: F/M, Forbidden Love, Yuletide Treat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-20
Packaged: 2018-05-07 18:26:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5466644
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Clocketpatch/pseuds/Clocketpatch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Brooke was sick of healthy choices. She wanted to swim on the wild side.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A long time ago in a grocery store aisle far away…

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ariesspicy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariesspicy/gifts).



Brooke was a beautiful classic cheddar goldfish. Her smile and eye indents were clearly demarked. Her skin was a rich, golden yellow. She was the pride of her bag. She was sick of being valued only for her beauty and lack of trans fat.

One night, after the shoppers and staff had gone home, Brooke asked her parents if she could go visit her cousins in the Flavour Blasted bags. Brooke's parents hesitated.

"I'm not certain that's such a good idea. Those fish aren't like us. They've eschewed our traditions for more fanciful flavours like nacho and pizza. I'm certain they're a bad influence," said Brooke's mother.

"But they're still goldfish crackers!" Brooked protested. "Do you just want me to hang out with other cheddars all the time, is that it?"

"Not at all," said Brooke's father, "if you'd like to go hang out with the original flavoured fish, or the whole wheat fish that would be fine. Your brother's friend Swimmington is a whole wheat, and he's a lovely boy."

Who likes to perv over my tail curves, Brooke thought.

"He's _boring_ ," she said. "All he talks about is classical music and fibre. I want adventure!"

"It's a slippery slope, that," Brooke's mother cautioned. "I know that the Flavour Blasted fish aren't that bad, but if we start hanging out with them where does it end? Did you know that there are pretzels and even _graham crackers_ masquerading as goldfish these days? I mean, _graham crackers_. They live in a completely different aisle!"

"I'll be careful okay!" Brooke protested, but her parents would not be placated. They sent her to the bottom of the bag, smothering her with their wholesomeness. But Brooke was a clever fish. She had foreseen her parent's punishment. She also knew that a toddler had been gumming their bag during the store's operational hours and had torn a small hole in the bottom, left corner. It was a tight squeeze, but Brooke made it, though a few crumbs of cheddar flavouring were scrapped off her side.

She was free!

Joyously, Brooke swam to the far side of the aisle where the Flavour Blasted goldfish were stocked.

"Hey-o, is that Brooke!" shouted her cousin Xtreme. He was a large, pizza-flavoured goldfish. He smelled cheesy and spicy. He took Brooke under his fin and hugged her. "Good to see you could make it! Your parents are _so_ whole wheat sometimes, you know?"

"They didn't. I gave them the slip."

"Radical," said Xtreme. "Anyway, join the party! This is my good pal Gilbert." Xtreme nodded at a green goldfish cracker with an extra thick salt coating. "He's one cool fish. Gilbert's got friends all over the store."

"All over the store?" Brooke said, wonderingly.

"Yep!" said Gilbert. "I've hung with Pretzel fish, Graham Cracker fish, even a Sushi Roll once."

"Stop scarring my cousin with your freaky tastes," said Xtreme. "Anyway, we've been having a party. Come join the dance floor! It's under the shelves!"

Brooke made her way down, following carefully behind Xtreme and Gilbert. The dance floor under the shelves was grimy and dark. A lot of the fish in attendance looked expired. A seedy-looking (because he had seeds stuck to him) fish in the corner was dealing condiments.

"Want some dip?" Xtreme asked?

"No thank you," said Brooke.

"Your loss. I'll take two," Xtreme said to the seedy fish.

As Xtreme and Gilbert lost themselves in creamy ranch bliss, Brooke nervously entered the dance floor on her own. The music thrummed low and bass. There were so many fish down here. So many flavours. This was what she had wanted. Adventure. Why was it so terrifying now that she was here?

"May I have this dance?" asked a heavily accented voice. Brooke turned to see a beautiful red gummy fish. His body was exquisitely detailed. Not only did he have a face, but Brooke could make out individual scales on his sides. She swooned at bit.

"Who are you?" she asked. "What are you? I've never seen such beauty."

"Never seen a Sweedish Fish?" the fish said. "How sheltered your life must be. Is this your first time under the shelves?"

Brooke nodded.

"What is your name?" the Sweedish Fish asked, peering at her with obvious curiousity.

"Brooke."

The Sweedish Fish smiled sexily, dangerously. "They called me Red. Dance with me, Brooke."

She did. They twirled. They spun. This was the adventure Brooke had been seeking. This was love!

"Kiss me, Red!"

He did. He tasted sweet, fruity, marvelous.

"I've never met a fish like you," Red murmured. "Will you return with me to the candy aisle?"

"Is that where you're from?" asked Brooke.

"Candies are so much less uptight than crackers," Red said. "In the candy aisle you don't have to hide under the shelves to dance. You don't have to pretend to be good. You just present yourself, as you are, to the world. And you are accepted."

"I've heard that candies are dangerous," said Brooke. "They can cause cavities and diabetes."

"Are you afraid I'll corrupt you?" said Red. "Are you afraid I'll spread sugar across your salty sides?"

Brooke shivered. She pressed close against Red's gumminess and whispered in his ear. "You can corrupt me all you like."

She was so happy and tingling with the illicit thrill of it all that it took her a moment to realize that the music had stopped. All the other fish on the dance floor were staring at her and Red, and, among those fish Brooke saw, to her horror, her brother Finn and his friend Swimmington.

Finn angrily swam up to Brooke. "Just what do you think you're doing?"

"Having a good time!" Brooke said.

"He's a _Sweedish Fish_ ," said Swimmington, sounding horrified. "How can you choose a candy over me?"

"I love him!" Brooke proclaimed.

"You barely know him," said Finn.

"I know him enough to know he's a better fish than anyone back in our bag!" said Brooke.

"This isn't a healthy choice!" Swimmington moaned.

"I don't care!" said Brooke. "We're going to the candy aisle together. We'll live happily ever after there."

"The candy aisle is full of worms and wine gummies," said Finn. "You'll last a week before you come swimming back, and by that time you'll be too stale to come back in the bag. You'll end up swept under the shelves into some dive like this. Dip-high and mouse nibbled. Is that what you want?"

Brooke looked at her brother. He was a perfect, classic goldfish. Handsome and well cut. Full of health and righteous prejudice. Swimmington was even healthier with his whole grains. He kept fidgeting, obviously uncomfortable about being under the shelves.

Brooke looked at Red. He was so achingly beautiful and good.

"Sweet or Savoury, it is your decision," Red said. "I will support whichever path you choose."

"I want to go with you," Brooke said, gazing into Red's eyes. "I want to be with your forever."

"Kill him!" Finn shouted, swimming forward towards Red. Swimmington followed, knocking Brooke away from her beloved and circling Red.

"Fight! Fight! Fight!" the other fish on the dance floor chanted.

Finn bit Red. Gummy blood spilled on the floor. Swimmington hit Red with a hefty tail slap.

"See what come of following a bad diet?" Finn said as he pummelled Red relentlessly.

"No! Stop!" Brooke shouted, rushing forward and hitting her brother in the back with a enough force to crack his outer shell. Finn fell back, flailing.

"What did you do?" he asked, holding the crumbling remains of his smile in one fin.

Brooke spat on him. "I'd rather be nibbled by rats than return to the bag with you!"

She swam under Red's fin and helped him up. Together they limped away from the dance floor beneath the shelves. Together they traversed the wide tiled floors of the dry good sections and the frozen wastes of the freezer aisles, until, eventually, crumbly, stale, and exhausted, they found their way to the candy aisle.

They were greeted with cheers and acceptance and love.

Finn and the rest of Brooke's former bag, however, were thrown out by a staff member the next day after a customer pointed out a baby-gummed hole in the bag's corner. Not very food safe at all.

Swimmington was rejected by the other whole wheat fish because of his time under the shelves. He ended up marrying a NoName triscuit and having several very healthy, off-brand babies.

Xtreme and Gilbert got really high on humus one day and were never seen again.

Red and Brooke lived happily ever after.


End file.
